Funny humor stories

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How a man impresses a woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her

How a woman impresses a man: Show up naked with beer.

I’m sure you were born in this world as a cute baby.

Now that you’re a grownup,

I have one question….. What happened?

If asked to choose between two evils: “money” and “women”

choose the lesser evil “money”

even though it will attract the greater evil

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart

is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?

Magnets have a positive side!

Jesus loves you…everyone else thinks you’re an asshole!

At this moment 3.7 million are sleeping,

2.3 million are falling in love,

4.1 million are eating

and only 1 fool in the whole world is reading this text.

Bride’s Dad hands a note to the groom: ‘GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.’

Groom gave another note back to father: ‘CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.’

My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she’s reading.

Always Remember

Money isn’t everything!

But make sure you have made enough of it before talking such nonsense

-Bill Gates-

Newsflash: Police are looking for a suspect

who’s smart, sexy, witty and very gorgeous.

They’ve already eliminated you from the list of suspects.

Where do you think I should hide?